Mistakes Parents Make, Part 4

Our first response from an FBCH mom...

The first thing for me has to be the internet. The internet is the most wonderful yet the most harmful thing that has been introduced in our society. If it does not have NUMEROUS filters they are handing their child right over to Satan and his lies. My space is one of the most harmful and damaging items as you cannot see what is posted (said by or to your child) unless your Teen gives you access. It has never been allowed in our home and my kids have survived.

Parents do not know what they are reading, listening to or what they are watching (movies). Ask questions, pick up the book and read the back or skim through a few pages. Pick up the i-pod or at least let them know that if you find any questionable material, you will get rid of it.

Know their friends-who they are hanging out with. We always have the new friend over our house so I can find out a little more about them (their character and so forth). Why would we let or want our kids to hang out with people we know nothing about.

I know this is a touchy subject but why would Christian parents put their teen (the most venerable time of life) in a public school? I understand that sometimes it is a hardship financially but I do not think that is the majority. The school (and all of it's effects) have our children 7-8 hours per day. Besides the exposure and the general bad element of some teens, they teach our children contrary to everything we have tried to instill in them. It can put doubts in the minds of the already mixed up teen mentality. They will be taught evolution-have(outward) homosexual teachers-they will be taught how to disrespect their parents and adults from their peers as this is an epidemic in my opinion. Everything they will see and learn will be contrary to what is taught in the home-or at least what should be.

The parents are not showing their kids what a Christian marriage looks like. The parents are estranged to one another and that in and of itself can shake a kids security and safety about their own place and life. If the home is not a place of peace and safety-where you are loved-then they will look elsewhere. Peers can make you feel accepted-especially when you are going along with the gang-like doing drugs with everyone else. There is a saying that goes- THE MOST IMPORTANT THING A FATHER CAN DO FOR HIS CHILDREN IS TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER. Of course this goes both ways, but they NEED to see it. We must look like a bunch of hypocrites to our children. They see families fight and are torn apart and then walk in church and pretend. What does that say to them.

Parents and teens need to spend time together. Families don't even eat together anymore. It's a funny thing what happens when we sit down at dinner together. The conversation just starts (no TV on of course) and we are sharing and laughing and talking about our day without it being planned or forced.

I hear this a lot from parents-I don't have time for this-regarding dealing with their kids. "HELLO" they are your time-or at least they should be. For some reason they just don't want to be bothered-like it is someone else's responsibility to teach them and put in the time and hard work. They don't regard scripture enough and do not look at their children as a gift. I believe with all my heart that it is the most significant thing I will ever do-if I am successful in raising people who love the Lord and share their faith.

I also see women who do not want to do what God has called them to be and Husbands who will not lead. We are putting the cart before the horse when we try to teach and train these teens when we -their own parents - are a mess and not fulfilling the roles that God has laid out for us-clearly laid out for us. Where are the seasoned Christian saints telling and mentoring these younger women along? Why is it so hard to find men who will lead their families or just love their wives as Christ loves his church? How or why do we expect our teens to be any different than the world? Are we?

NO RESPECT! They have a complete lack of respect for adults. I have been disrespected before by my children but they were disciplined and it was made known that it was not acceptable-always! They have done it less and less over time the more consistent we are. It is tiring but commanded by us to train them up in the way they should go. I think the training applies to social graces, such as kindness, courteousness, respect for others and their property and so forth along with scripture.

Mistakes Parents Make, Part 3

From an FBCH Dad...

1) Allow them to choose not to go to church or youth, not an option, period! As long as they are under your roof or even supported by you during college they will attend church on Sundays. I believe that this will allow them to mature more, so they can make a decision to continue on their own, we hope.

2) Do not do family devotions or even pray together, God will always bless these no matter how unpolished.

3) Spare the rod of punishment, as they become older teens and spanking is no longer an option they are still (as all of us are) desperately wicked. They must have consequences for their negative actions as they will have them when they are adults and they are usually much more severe then.

4) Allow them to choose who they talk to or hang out with, without looking into who these individuals really are or what is deemed OK by their parents' standards.

5) Allow them to make up their own mind about what they believe is proper dress. Some of these fathers need to get some backbone as well as realize what they were thinking about at that age.

6) Allowed to watch TV that is not filtered or is in their bedrooms. Almost all programing has things that are contrary to the word of God.

7) Allowed to listen to music that the lyrics have not been screened for inappropriate content. Most parents would be shocked if they knew some of the garbage that their kid's are listening to.

9) Allow them the opportunity to be alone with someone of the opposite sex. (Never!)

8) Allow them to have little or no responsibility, wake them up, clean after them or no chores.

10) Do not eat dinner together as a family. WOW, how informative could that time be each day.

I should have numbered this one towards the top: Model to them how you love your spouse as Christ loved the church (remembering that it is a work in progress, that is never finished).

We Knew This Was Coming

A British scientist from Oxford University is recommending that the organs of aborted babies be donated to those in need of transplants.

"I am sure very few of those on the transplant list would rather die than accept an organ from an aborted fetus," Richard Gardner said.

If it's okay to destroy a human life to harvest stem cells, why is it not okay to destroy a human life farther along in gestation to harvest organs? You cannot draw a line between the two and maintain any level of serious logical consistency. This is why God's policy is best...respect life, PERIOD.

Read the whole story HERE.

Mistakes Parents Make, Part 2

I recently began posting some of the responses I received from FBCH members about the biggest mistakes parents make. Here's another...

Allowing your kids to stay overnight at a friends house when you don't know the family well enough.

Leaving your teenager home alone on a night when there is a science experiment due the next day! You might return to find the house has burned down to the ground (almost happened).

Here is a third, not monitoring you teenager's "My Space" on a surprise basis. On a related note, not stressing that "My Space" account is a privilege not a right.

Finally, allowing our kids to believe that leisure, recognition, and the accumulation of "stuff" is what gives meaning to life.

The Bulls Eye on Homeschooling

Millions of children are homeschooled in America. The reason why most of these are not in pubic school is because they have Christian parents who are concerned about the worldview their children would be taught. Others are simply concerned for their children's safety and cannot afford private school. Regardless of the reason, there is and has been a bulls eye upon homeschooling in America. A state appellate court ruled it illegal in California last year, unless the parent has a teaching certificate.

The latest? A judge in North Carolina ordered a homeschooling mother in the midst of divorce proceedings to send her children to public school. Judge Ned Mangum issued the ruling, even after acknowledging that her children were excelling academically. (Two of her three children are two grades above grade level and the other is at grade level.)

Tomorrow there is a big protest by homeschoolers across the state. I hope the turnout is strong.

Straight Talk About Cloning

In yesterday's Baptist Press, assistant editor Michael Foust wrote what I believe to be the best article on stem cell research and cloning that I have ever read. It is straight forward, simple, well argued and dead-on accurate. I don't say this often, but this article is almost a must read.

In this article, Foust says...

If America is going to have a debate about cloning -- as it appears we're on the verge of doing -- we all should at least be honest. There are two types of cloning: 1) reproductive cloning, in which a cloned embryo is placed inside a woman in hopes that it will implant and grow into a full-sized baby, and 2) research or therapeutic cloning, in which an embryo is cloned in order to harvest its stem cells -- a procedure that of course destroys the embryo. In each instance, somatic cell nuclear transfer (SCNT) is used to create the embryo. The only difference is what is done with the embryo.

Read the entire article HERE.

Mistakes Parents Make, Part 1

I recently asked the parents of my church to tell me the most common mistakes they see parents make. In other words, how do parents hinder themselves from reaching the goal of raising children who will fear and love the Lord? I'll be posting some of the responses I got, without names, of course. There will be some overlap, but that's okay. Repetition is good!

Here's one parent's answers...

Failing to have a set breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner time together (this creates unity, security, and order and an opportunity to dialogue with your children)

Failing to tell your children that you love them and that you're proud of them. Building their self-esteem and teaching them to be verbally expressive of their feelings.

Christians kids shouldn't "date". This is a cultural norm - not biblical. Believers should court, but not date. Believing the fallacy that you must date several boys/girls before you'll know who to marry is unbiblical .

Unfiltered TV and/or unlimited TV

Unfiltered movie viewing (PG-13, Rated R movies with foul language, sexually suggestive content, etc)

Allowing them to wear suggestive clothing

Parents who send their children to public schools when they can afford private school or can home school them. They're turning their children over to the enemy - (directly by what is being taught and indirectly by allowing them to be influenced by non-believers and their behaviors). Believers should not send them to Athens to be educated, but to Jerusalem.

Failing to discipline them (from placing them in a corner to "the rod"...belt or switch)

Playing psychologist with your children...too much pop psychology de-emphasizes the parental role (which is necessary for them to learn if they're to learn to submit to their heavenly Father). They're not the parent or adult!

Allowing children to make too many choices or making big choices to early in life. Leads to insecurity.

Failing to know the Word of God...can't answer the basic questions of the faith leading them to lose their "authority" on matters of life and the spiritual realm (your sermon this past week hit a bulls eye!)

No chores leads to not understanding responsibility or failing to teach children that work is a high calling (Puritan work ethic) leads to a "welfare mentality". Privileges must be earned...this leads to disciplined work ethic

Unruliness during worship - disrespectful to the Lord (maybe a little off center on this one, but I see parents allowing this which means they don't understand the nature of worship which is we go to give to God rather than receive from God).

Allowing them to eat whatever they want (sugar/caffeine laden foods) which leads to poor nutrition. Then wondering why their kids misbehave.

The Joshua Challege

I recently preached a three week series on parenting, wrapping it up this past Sunday with Joshua's challenge from Joshua 24:14-15. ("As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.") I kept asking myself, "What would this challenge look like in the 21st century?" Obviously, the basic principle would not change, but how would such a challenge apply to the challenges today's parents face? I wrote the following version of "The Joshua Challenge" and challenged our members to sign it and keep it this Sunday. Have any suggested additions? Let me know. Regardess, I encourage YOU to take this challenge today.

The Joshua Challenge

I will model for my children a genuine fear of God and a life of service to Him.

I will ensure that my children always have a father/mother praying for them, with them and over them.

I will practice loving, Biblical discipline so that my children will know that there are consequences for wrong doing.

I will take seriously my responsibility to remove from my home and my children’s sphere of influence anything that might influence them to reject God’s Word or turn away from God’s authority over their lives.

I will do my best to be aware of the friends my children keep, the music they listen to, the publications they read, the web sites they visit and the entertainment they enjoy. Furthermore, I will have the final say regarding all of the above that may enter my home.

I will be aware of the worldview and values that my children are being taught at school, whether public or private. I will do everything I can to ensure that they are taught a Biblical worldview and godly values.

Living Hope

Peter said that we have a "living hope" through Christ's resurrection from the dead. Perhaps you'll find no greater example of how that hope expresses itself than the testimony of Cindy Winters, wife os slain SBC pastor Fred Winters from First Baptist Church of Maryville, Illinois. Fred was shot while preaching in the early service at his church on March 8.

CLICK HERE to see Cindy's interview on the Early Show, or scoll down to the bottom to see the funeral service. (Cindy's testimony is at the 88 minute mark.)

Who Would You Play?

Imagine that you're the manager of a baseball team. You're down by a run and the bases are loaded in the bottom half of the last inning with two outs. You have to make a choice. You have two potential pinch hitters available.

One is an all-star with a batting average over .300. The other player has struck out every time. To be honest, it's time he's sent back to the minors because he has yet to do anything that proves that he belongs in the big leagues. Which one will you choose?

Our president had the same decision to make on stem cell research. Adult stem cell research, the kind that does not destroy human life, has helped to provide treatments and cures for over 70 diseases. Not bad. Embryonic stem cell research, the kind that destroys actual human life (and not potential human life)...zero. Yet, Barak Obama decided that our tax dollars should go to research which has yet to produce a cure, in spite of the fact that it has received tremendous funding through the private sector and from other governments.

Of course, even if embryonic stem cell research produced many cures, that would not justify destroying innocent human life. The fact that it has repeatedly struck out only makes this decision all the more baffling.