Keep Your Foot on the Pedal

I received the following question from a church member for me to answer on this blog...

"I was in a conversation recently that has troubled me and would appreciate if you could clarify further about un-churched friends...In this conversation, led by a person who is very knowledgeable about scripture, I was led to believe that if I cannot bring a friend to Jesus or back to church I should disassociate with that individual. Not only a friend but a family member also. I have tried to find some guidance from scripture, but I'm unable to locate passages that would give me direction. I appreciate any scripture verses or input you could furnish. Thank you."

Name Withheld

Thanks for the question. There are two principles here that come to mind. Carefully weigh them both and pray about what God would have you to do. But let me first commend you for trying to find “guidance from Scripture.” Whenever there’s an issue and I have to make a decision, I want to know three things: Book, chapter and verse. Bravo.

On the one hand, Jesus was a friend of sinners (Luke 7:34). He associated with the lowliest of the low. He ate in the home of Zacchaeus (Luke 19). He spoke to prostitutes (Matthew 21:31). He commanded us to evangelize “all peoples” (Matthew 28:19-20). Thus, our lives should be characterized by connecting to lost people and building relationships with them. As salt and light, we are to enter into the culture around us and engage lost people on their own turf. (You seemed to imply that you may be talking about a backslidden believer, a situation I’ll address in a moment.) But for now, suffice it to say that if there are no lost people in your life right now with whom you are building bridges to the gospel, you need to go find a lost friend. Sometimes, we in the church can get so involved in church world that we leave no room in our lives to interact with nonbelievers. It’s not one or the other, it’s both.

On the other hand, when Jesus reached out, he always reached out evangelistically. He did not hang out with nonbelievers for fellowship’s sake, but for God’s sake. First John 2:15 says, “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” Of course, “Do not love the world” does not mean the people of the world, but the system of the world, which is opposed to God’s Word and ways. This means that we are to be careful not to surround ourselves with those who will influence us to love the world instead of God.

In my opinion, to know how far to go in reaching this friend for Christ, you have to ask yourself one question: “Does this individual pull you away from Christ? Are you influenced by this person in a way that would cause you to love Christ less?” If so, then it’s time to move on. You made an attempt to share the gospel, but there’s no response, so you discontinue the relationship rather than risk your own Christian witness. This doesn’t mean that you are not willing with open arms to help them in a time of need for such would be an opportunity to share the love of Christ. But that’s the line. This is why when a drug addict accepts Christ, the worst thing they can do is go back, by themselves, and surround themselves with their old drug using friends with the hope that they are going to win them all to Christ. An alcoholic who gets saved should avoid witnessing in bars. (Jesus said more about the danger of looking back/going back in Luke 9.) What happens 99.99999% of the time is the new believer falls back into drugs/alcohol and soon is completely separated from the church.

However, if this is a case in which you are reaching out to someone who simply has yet to accept Christ, but they are not hostile to you talking about your faith and they are not pulling you away from close fellowship with God, why in the world would you stop? You aren’t the Holy Spirit! How do you know that the seeds you’ve planted aren’t about ready to spread roots and grow? I can’t help but think about how patient Jesus was with the Pharisees, only leaving them when they decided to stone him to death for blasphemy. Your friend might have told you to stop because Jesus told the disciples to “wipe the sands from their shoes” if they went to a certain town and there was no response to the gospel. And I will admit that because there are only 24 hours in a day, there are times when I choose to shift the amount of time/effort I’m investing from one person to another because someone just isn’t responding. I made the last FAITH evangelism visit that I will make in a certain home for some time last week. The first time I witnessed to this woman, she seemed very close to accepting Christ. However, as time passed, her heart became hardened and her interest in the gospel waned. I will choose to invest my time witnessing to someone else next time, someone who has not had the opportunities to hear the gospel as she has. But that is a different situation altogether. Jesus was talking to missionaries who were shut out of an entire town. I haven’t closed the door, I’ve just changed my focus.

Now, if your friend is a believer who has simply left the church, I would argue that we should imitate the Good Shepherd who leaves the 99 sheep to go after the one. We have a responsibility as believers to pursue those who have strayed from the flock. Keep pursuing as God leads you.